Integrating Woman Leaders, Inc. BLOG: Climb Out Of Your Box

Integrating Woman Leaders, Inc. BLOG: Climb Out Of Your Box: Series 3 of a 3 Part Series The Seven Barriers Holding You Back

Climb Out Of Your Box

                Series 3 of a 3 Part Series

              The Seven Barriers Holding You Back

               Things do not change; we change.

                                        -Henry David Thoreau

              

       The change in heart is the essence of all other change and it is brought about by the re-education of the mind.

                                      -E. Pethic-Lawrence

 4.  The Lack of Self Awareness

Being aware of your own style and behavior is a learned art over your career. It’s even more important to ask your mentor, boss, sponsor or a friend at work to provide constructive feedback to allow you to alter or improve your behavior.

A mentor/boss once made a profound statement about how people perceived me that has stayed with me ever since. He said, “Jennifer, it’s not the snapshot of you that you want people to see, but it’s the motion picture.” At that moment, I knew I needed to become more aware of those around me, my environment, and how my behavior was affecting others.

I am currently coaching a client who was recently promoted to CFO of her company.  She made the strong statement that “no one gives her any respect.” I asked her to give me an example. However, all she talked about was how she felt that people didn’t believe she was capable of fulfilling her new role.  We discovered that this was not really how people felt about her abilities but her lack of confidence.  She was projecting her lack of confidence of herself onto others.  What negative behaviors/emotions are you projecting on coworkers or loved ones? 

5.       Procrastination to Decide

Procrastination is another road block to change which can lead to unhealthy stress!  Do you put things off?  We all do to some degree.  Those nagging feelings about things left unfinished and tasks pilling up can cause extreme stress.   One member of my family struggles to complete tasks in a timely manner and continues to induce stress because of the resulting pain. She feels overwhelmed but can’t seem to complete a project or leaves it to the last minute. 

I am sure all of us can give examples of people we know or family members who procrastinate.  Coaching clients who are disorganized, leave things to the last minute, stressed and are overwhelmed with life, I suggest one thing; buy a journal size book to write down each day what needs to be accomplished. Write in this book your “TO DO List” so you can keep everything in one place. I can’t tell you how many of them have said, “That saved my life”.  When we procrastinate it is usually about long term objectives or it has an unpleasant outcome. Instead of addressing the objectives, we go with what is more pleasurable or less painful.

Did you know men are slightly more likely to procrastinate than women? Younger people are far more likely to procrastinate than their elders. Workaholics, for example, almost always meet their job-related deadlines. But many of them will put off going to the doctor, doing the taxes or seeking counseling if their marriage is in trouble.

Here’s a test you can take to discover why you are playing this stressful game. Check off the ones you can relate to or if you can relate to it in your life.

·       You’re bored

·       You are overwhelmed with work

·       Your confidence has slipped

·       You have low self –worth

·       Your work is meaningless/you’re not fulfilled

·       You are easily distracted

·       You are lazy

·       You are unorganized

·       You are over committed with work and family

Let’s discuss ways to remedy this situation to eliminate this barrier.  It helps to understand your level of energy versus your decision to delay; the more tired you are, the more likely you will put off the objective. Get plenty of sleep, exercise regularly and organize your objectives in a book or in one place to help eliminate your level of stress.  My favorite suggestion, when coaching clients or working with people who procrastinate, is to take the large project they are working on or a personal objective and break it down into three segments.  Accomplish one segment at a time. You will be energized once you complete that first task. Everyday set a new goal that you can accomplish then reward yourself once that task has been completed.

6.       Not Listening To Your Intuition

This barrier is a tough one for many to overcome when trying to make life changing decisions. I can personally reflect back on my own life choices and know that if I had just listened to what my gut was telling me at the time, I would have made better choices. Have you ever regretted decisions made when listening to your TRUE intuition? Probably not!

Making life choices using intuition can be used as a tool. The challenge for some people is when your instinct of “self-protection” gets in the way of accessing intuitive information to move forward.  If you seek intuitive information on a particular question or problem, you may want to start by exploring the full landscape of the situation.  I ask clients to share their gut feeling when discussing a particular situation.  Listening to your true intuition is a powerful tool in making life changes. When you really understand yourself, know the facts of the situation or problem, following your “GUT” rarely gets you into trouble.

Create meaning and purpose in your life by listening to your intuition. Ask yourself that one question, what do I want instead? Women are hardwired to set and pursue goals with enormous personal challenge.  The great thing about women is we forget how hard something is like having a second child after a painful first delivery.  There were a number of times in my career after having my children, that I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  But, I knew in my gut, I was making the right decision to remain in the workplace.

Learning to always listen to your intuition is powerful. I shared at the beginning of this series that over the past year, I have not had one moment of regret starting this new business. However, there have been days that I couldn’t imagine how I was going to put one foot in front of the other. I keep asking myself that one question; what do I want instead?  And you know what has been so interesting through this journey? My gut keeps guiding this journey as everything continues to fall in place.

If your barrier is not truly living your life with meaning and purpose, what is your intuition telling you to change? Why wait one more day if you already have the answer to help you Climb out Of Your Box?

7.       Challenges of Resilience

I left this barrier last because I believe that most people struggle with resilience.  For most leaders, balancing work and home life still remains a lofty, never-achieved goal. Although each day brings impossible demands on our personal time, with too many meetings, obligations, and 24/7 connectivity with the internet world, it is our resilience and energy that are stressed daily, it’s not the clock. However, shifting your mindset and focus from time management to energy management will allow you to discover your own unique ability for sustained energy and resilience throughout each day.

Work-life balance is a choice. Moving from time and efficiency to energy and resilience is a powerful mindset to overcoming this barrier in your life. What do I mean? If you are going to shift from managing your time to supporting and managing your energy -the fuel that helps you accomplish your goals, take on difficult challenges, and be present in your relationships-you need to focus on all domains of your life: physical, mental, spiritual, and your emotional intelligence. Try to avoid activities that drain you and don’t have meaning in your life. Say, “NO” when being asked to take on more responsibility that you know will zap your energy level or cause you stress.

I believe this barrier is the most difficult to overcome than the other six. Researching for this Blog, I came across a five-year study completed by Dr. Leonard Poon of the University of Georgia, that revealed some interesting principles influencing resilience. In his study of 97 active, productive people over 100 years of age, he found that they had mastered four common characteristics:

1)      Optimism: They tended to have a positive view on life. They weren’t dominated by worry or negativity.

2)      Engagement: They were actively involved in life. They are not passive observers watching life pass them by. My 89 year old mother-in-law is engaged in her life, playing bridge every day with her friends and exercising at her community pool.

3)      Mobility: they stay active physically. They participated daily in a physical activity, gardening, walking or going out with friends.

4)      Adaptability to Loss: they had an extraordinary ability to stay balanced by adapting to and accepting change and loss. I remember when my grandmother lost her husband and days later lost her best friend of 50 years. They understand losing loved ones but still have a zest for life.

Resilience is a dynamic process that isn’t static or rigid but it is a type of centered fluidity that lets us move in any direction with ease. Being resilient means you can recover your balance even in the midst of action. Separating your career, personal, family, emotional and spiritual lives into distinct pieces doesn’t work. Managing that entire dynamic is the key. The magic in eliminating this barrier is to work on your inner and outer behaviors that keep you centered and grounded when you are dealing with the outer world.  As you build on more resilience, you will do more with ease. I will leave you with a quote that hangs on my wall;

It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast-you also miss the sense of where you’re going and why”

 –Eddie Cantor

Mastering the seven barriers holding you back from Climbing Out of Your Box will be invigorating when achieved.  The magic will come, when you look back on your decision to change with no regrets, having confidence to continue listening to your initiation that will help you remain out of that old box!

Climb Out Of Your Box

 2 of a 3 Part Series

You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction.

                                                - Jim Rohn

 While so many of us stay in relationships or our jobs too long out of fear, we should focus on the power to Climb out of Our Box.  We should live life with meaning and purpose, while spending time doing something about which we are passionate.  What holds us back? Why can some people adapt to change more easily?  Why can we make changes in certain areas of our lives but not others?

Making a positive change in your life can dramatically better your life. You can improve your health, relationships, career, income, level of happiness and hopes for a more optimistic future. Making the right choices with conviction and commitment to change will enhance the quality of your life.

There are seven barriers that stop you from moving forward to take the necessary steps to change. However, before we explore those barriers, you must first become cognizant of your surroundings. What is really going on in your work environment, home, friends, family or your health?  If you are really aware of your surroundings, you can embrace your barriers!

The Seven Barriers Holding You Back

1.       Status Quo In Your Comfort Zone

I have crossed paths in my career with so many people who live life in the status quo mode. They can’t begin to think about change personally or professionally.  Yet they continually express frustration with work, their marriage or their kids.  Living in your comfort zone in today’s economy is dangerous - especially at work!

It’s not just our jobs that we hold on to in our desire to stay close to the familiar. We do it in other areas too.  We take the same route to work each day, drive to the same McDonalds for a diet coke (I am guilty of that one) or order the same items from the menus of the same restaurants instead of trying something new.  My husband took me to a restaurant last week that we hadn’t been to in a while.  I ventured out of my box and ordered a new type of fish I swore I would never try along with a wine that wasn’t my usual.  While it obviously wasn’t a life-altering decision, it did remind me how even small changes can have an impact.  My husband, who is a restaurant owner, was thrilled to see me try something new!  My meal was outstanding paired with a new wine, which made for an awesome dining experience. Lastly, it empowered me to want to step out of that box more often.

Consider: What is more important to you, success at work or significance in what you do? To me, significance is more important. Success rewards our bank account, but significance rewards our spirit.  The same holds true in your private life as well.

2.       Losing Your Passion

Realizing your life is on hold because you are trapped living in your comfort zone is quite different from another challenge to change, lack of passion. I remember coaching my managers that hiring people with passion to succeed is something you can’t teach. Passion breeds success, passion sells, and passionate people live fulfilling lives.  Passionate people inspire us to greatness.  We want those people on our team.

A boss once told me, “your passion is your greatest strengthen and your greatest weakness.”  That is impossible!  How can a person’s passion for what they believe in be their weakness?  I think he may have been confused by the true definition of passion: 

. . .any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.  A strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything; passion for music, passion for life, job, your family and friends. . .

Don’t confuse the meaning of passion with a person’s opinion. Style of communication may be the real issue when trying to express concerns of a particular situation that cause discomfort. That is not passion!  If you have lost your passion for what you are doing currently in your life, ask yourself, what do you want instead? What are you passionate about? GO DO IT!

3.       Fear of Failure

I learned early in my childhood the true feelings of fearing failure. Fear is paralyzing for many. For me, however, fear became a positive feeling.  As a competitive figure skater, my heart pounded, my hands shook, and I was scared to death right before I stepped out on the ice to compete.  Yet I believe those internal feelings of fear pushed me beyond my boundaries

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” Sven Guran Eriksson

Fear to take a risk is the barrier that holds most people back from climbing out of their box. If you are making small changes, I am sure you don’t have feelings of fear. However, bigger changes - major life changing decisions -bring greater risk producing greater levels of fear.

When I first started my career in sales, I felt feelings of fear because I wanted to be the best and achieve all my career goals.  I never again wanted to work so hard and not achieve those goals. You see, I spent my entire childhood training for the ultimate goal of qualifying for the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid, New York, but that goal was never achieved.  My fears in my career come from the fact that I never again want to fall short of my goals.  Failure to make the Olympics shaped my life forever, giving me the perspective that fear will hold you back if you let it. That one negative result at that moment in my life was devastating but I have chosen to use that experience toward a positive outlook of fear. The fear of failure channeled correctly makes for a successful outcome in your life.  You can eliminate fear from your life when you understand that the reward is greater than the fear of trying.

Climb Out Of Your Box

  Part 1 of a 3 Part Series

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

     - Viktor E. Frankl

A little over a year ago, a decision was made for me to leave my job.  After three and half years at the company, hiring, training and developing teams and regularly exceeding revenue goals along with being promoted four times, my position was eliminated. I had known for more than a year that I was miserable but I was not ready to leave my role as Vice President. I rationalized the situation by telling myself, "I need to cope with this job." What I did not realize was that  my coping was making my future husband and my children miserable. What I really wanted was to be challenged by creating a situation in which I could use my passion to mentor high potential women leaders and allay their fears to advance their careers. I convinced myself I was indispensable and I needed the money. I could not afford to just leave! My daily routine of doing something I was no longer passionate about created consequences that I wasn’t ready to accept.

On that sunny April day, I remember my boss telling me that my position was eliminated. I was looking out the window at the beautiful Pike’s Peak Mountains in disbelief.  Then suddenly, I had this calm, warm sense of peace and relief. I knew, in that moment, that my 25-year corporate career had just taken a new direction. A direction I believe, that has forever changed my life. Change is something we all struggle with from time to time.  For some reason that day, I was excited about future possibilities.  Of course, I also had feelings of total fear of change and uncertainty about the next steps.  Nevertheless, I was also filled with excitement and the faith that everything would be all right.

Reflecting back on my journey to today, climbing out of my box has dramatically changed my life. I have grown personally and professionally in ways I never thought were possible. Taking that leap of faith to live my life doing something I believed in has set me free. For the first time in my life, I have listened to my gut all along this journey and not once has it said: “go do something else” or “go back to being a Vice President of Sales.”  Interestingly enough, all of those types of doors have closed on me this past year when they never had before. Living life with passion, building a business to mentor, coach and train high potential women leaders to advance their careers has been amazing. Developing and training teams on how to become highly productive and enhancing companies’ internal Gender Diversity initiatives has been some of the most rewarding personal and professional experiences. Part of the challenge to Climb Out Of Your Box is the limited resources many have in their work environments.  For some, not having a person to turn to is also a challenge when trying to make a change in your life.  I challenge all of you to take that next step today by writing down the one thing holding you back from what you want in your life. If you don’t like what is happening today, ask yourself this one question: “What Do I Want Instead?” If you can truly answer that one question, then start by taking your first step to Climb Out of Your Box!